Thursday, November 29, 2012
When it Hurts So Bad...
My soul is in pain!
How is it that you spend so much time exposing -( in my case 4 yrs) of yourself and not get any-fuckin-thing to compensate the bullshyt?! How is it that after engaging in a conversation that was denied for months ,- im
That i am brought right back to the place where we left off!? Things have moved forward as if we never existed and your completely fine???! I never happend the horrible shit you taught me in the wayside doesn't even exist nor has it ever?!??!!! That amazes me! Befuddles me! Astonishes me? How?!? ! As if time stood still just to for e me to relive it. I understand that I will never understand ... I get it , no matter only in Glory will I understand what and whom I've done the same to.
How is it that you spend so much time exposing -( in my case 4 yrs) of yourself and not get any-fuckin-thing to compensate the bullshyt?! How is it that after engaging in a conversation that was denied for months ,- im
That i am brought right back to the place where we left off!? Things have moved forward as if we never existed and your completely fine???! I never happend the horrible shit you taught me in the wayside doesn't even exist nor has it ever?!??!!! That amazes me! Befuddles me! Astonishes me? How?!? ! As if time stood still just to for e me to relive it. I understand that I will never understand ... I get it , no matter only in Glory will I understand what and whom I've done the same to.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Rockbottom...@ Trust.
I am always in awe of the unearned trust I place in people.
A "friend drops by" unannounced from California. Happy to see him I allow him to stay. We've always have had our ups and downs as friends; him being a angry faggot and me being a disrespectful fag-hag, but with my forgiving heart and his need to have someone in this world, we've managed to stay friends. I entrusted him to go to the check cashing place and get another money order because I was broke. He did it and gave me what I asked for. We went to sleep and he said he'd put it under my mattress. Next day, I didn't check and he said that he was going to Mac.Donald's to use the internet. Fine. I check for my "medicine" (which was under my mattress also) and where the new money order ($746.00) should have been and neither are there. I've e-mailed and called several times and no response. I don't and cannot afford to accept this as a loss because I have no way to replenish it. I am now fearful and fucked. This is why trust is not an option for me. Only in the Lord.
A "friend drops by" unannounced from California. Happy to see him I allow him to stay. We've always have had our ups and downs as friends; him being a angry faggot and me being a disrespectful fag-hag, but with my forgiving heart and his need to have someone in this world, we've managed to stay friends. I entrusted him to go to the check cashing place and get another money order because I was broke. He did it and gave me what I asked for. We went to sleep and he said he'd put it under my mattress. Next day, I didn't check and he said that he was going to Mac.Donald's to use the internet. Fine. I check for my "medicine" (which was under my mattress also) and where the new money order ($746.00) should have been and neither are there. I've e-mailed and called several times and no response. I don't and cannot afford to accept this as a loss because I have no way to replenish it. I am now fearful and fucked. This is why trust is not an option for me. Only in the Lord.
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